As I said in 'From the start' the worst and most annoying symptom of HMS is the chronic pain. Well for me it is anyway.
Its impossible to pin point. It's not localized. It's everywhere! One of the reasons that many people with Chronic Pain Syndrome are labeled as hypochondriacs and just dismissed by Drs and other proffesionals.
For me the areas that are effected are my hips, pelvis, back and shoulder (left side only), neck, elbows, knees, fingers, wrists and feet. It's easier just to say everywhere.
For those of you that have never experienced chronic pain here's how I would describe mine:
Its like that burning, aching, cramp feeling you get when you've overdone it at the gym or been on a really long run or just shopped a bit too much and your feet are on fire.
If you've never felt like that before then what about when you've had flu? Or something like tonsillitis? I mean proper full blown flu or tonsillitis, not a cold and headache that so many people call flu, or the sore throats that people exaggerate. I mean the real bad doses when you can't physically move without you muscles hurting and you're stuck in bed for days, filling yourself up on Lemsips and painkillers just to feel half human. Well that's what its like for me everyday, especially in the mornings.
The difference is that it doesn't go away with rest. It can lasts for months, or in my case, for years now. It fluctuates somewhat and I used to go for months with a pain level of about 2 or 3 which was copeable. Since my pregnancy I don't think my pain level has dropped to beneath a level 4. (10 being worst pain possible - 1 being very little pain)
For the last 3 month of my pregnancy I'd say I was at 9 or 10 every day. Now, depending on if I've been working late or out the night before, I wake up at a 6 or 7 which is reduced to a 4 or 5 by the pain meds.
I can't wait (and hoping desperately) for it to drop back down to a 2 or even a 0 (Doubt that's ever gona happen! But I can dream.)
The actually hurting is not the only effect of Chronic Pain. Many people suffer from depression, mood swings, fatigue, reduced activity and libido. Unfortunately I'm definitely one of those many people!
It can also lead to marital problems or loss of employment - I just pray that never happens to me. If your suffering from Chronic Pain I hope that it never happens to you either!
That's it from me, but I'd like to sign off with a poem written by a good friend of mine, who also suffers with HMS and Chronic Pain, among other conditions. I'm proud to call her a friend - she's one strong, inspirational woman!!
I wake up every morning
reaching for the meds,
start the day by moaning, struggle to get out of bed.
I often sit and wonder,
"Is this some kind of karma?"
Trying not to whinge so I don't drag people under.
If my pain is punishment,
I'm going to be blunt,
In a past life I must of been a massive c**t.
To live my life like this,
live, ha, I use the word loosely,
is no longer a pleasure, but a nightmare filled with cruelty.
If someone could cure me,
I would thank them profusely,
I'm tired of the battle, those I love are gonna lose me.
I no longer know my self,
I'm not the woman I was,
now I'm just a body,
where a happy girl once was.
I'm trying to be postive,
but damn it's just so hard,
Maybe I wouldn't be like this, if there were a God.
Perhaps I need a system,
something to believe in,
a small glimmer of hope might stop my pain increasing.
A mother and a wife,
somewhat deprived of life,
I want to be the woman they can depend on through their strife.
Alas it is not happening,
there's no apparent cure,
for now my life is spent thinking "how much more can I endure?"
By Michelle Clare Robinson.
Dedicated to my family and friends that love me, thank you