If not, it really feels like it!
Admitting to myself that I'm more than likely going to have to give up on a job in the Arts/Events Industry as I can't find any 'suitable' employment?
Waste of degree, waste of experience, waste of a love = Feeling defeated
The future for my career wise does not look bright.
After the latest appointment with my consultant he suggested a career change to help me cope with my illness which I completely agree with to a certain extent.
My current employer has made reasonable adjustments i.e shift changes/no heavy lifting/no prolonged standing, but they most likely won't be able to make them permanent as it's not beneficial for the company. I can see it from their point of view, I work in a Theatre where the majority of performances take place on an evening, so why would they want a manager who can only work until late afternoon, can't be on her feet for too long, suffers from fatigue and sometimes needs extra breaks?
My GP seems to think the stress of everything I've been going through lately, including job situation, is causing my symptoms to worsen so has signed me off as 'not fit to work'. I don't really agree with her and think I should be working even if the uncertainty of where I stand employment wise does make me think 'whats the point in trying?'
Do I just apply for any old job? Or do I wait till the right one comes along and in the meantime sit like a waste of space doing nothing when I really want to be out working?
So. The job applications have begun. There have been a few. I'd say about 20 so far. Some that I don't even want. I admit that I can no longer do the 'Duty Manager/Event' type jobs but I can't seem to find anything that in the industry I want. I'd love to do something in event organisation/coordination but being honest with myself I know that there is not that much out there at the moment.
And even if the right one does come along its going to have to be one that's perhaps part time hours, that doesn't require me to work very late, is close to home, one that doesn't require me to sit in the same seat for hours without moving (i.e call centre roles), one that will allow me to get up and walk around when I need to and one that suits and supports my condition.
See where i'm going with this?
The perfect job for me probably doesn't even exist!
Even if there is a job like that out there it's unlikely that it's going to be in the Industry I long to work in and then the amount of people who will want similar roles will be ridiculously huge so i'm probably not going to be in with a chance anyway.
I'd happily change my career to suit my condition but completely giving up and taking any job that comes along is a completely different story.
So for the time being, i'm stuck feeling defeated by my illness.
Fingers crossed something comes available sometime soon or I can see myself hating my life in a call centre saying, 'Good afternoon your speaking to Stacey, how may I help?' about 200 time a day!!
Feel depressed just thinking about! urgghh!